The Pit of Dispair
I’ve been through a few blogs in the last 10 years.
The first was a sarcastic (and hopefully humorous) telling of my struggle to get pregnant by a man with dismal sperm.
The second was a gushy love filled tribute to the adoption process we had started and the dreams of my future daughter.
This one is about the pain of it all ending, my husband deciding he doesn’t love me anymore and me having to end our adoption process because of a pending divorce. It’s about feeling betrayed because he said it was forever and for 18 years I believed that. It’s about trying to get over having my heart set on having a beautiful thai daughter. It’s also about trying to find something within myself strong enough to help me survive.
In the other two blogs I had been able to maintain a bit of humor and to let my sarcastic views show through. It may take me a while to bring any of that levity into this blog, first I have to find my way out of this pit of self pity and depression I’ve fallen into.
Now where the hell are those grapples!
~S
Michelle said,
August 24, 2008 at 12:47 pm
I know you don’t know me. But, I know a little about you. I started the IVF process 7 years ago. I found your blog about that long ago. I have read every word you have posted. I have stood in the background wishing and praying you would soon be PG!! I am SO sorry to read this blog. I know right you, you may not see the hope or light. But, I say you still go get your thai daughther!!! Please email me.
Michelle
IFER
Christine said,
August 27, 2008 at 5:17 am
I have no idea how I stumbled upon your site years ago but I’ve been following your story for a long time! And all your blogs! I’m so glad you’re starting up a new one . I’ve kept your’s as a favorite and kept checking in to see if you’ve written any updates.
After 18 years…wow, that’s a big one. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t even imagine (I’ve only been with mine for 13 years and if he decided to leave me, I’d kill him…well not really but you know what I mean). It seems like your husband has the travel bug, at least I recall a lot of posts of him being in other countries, and maybe he is just having a really hard time trying to grasp the whole “responsibility” thing.
I have two friends who have had similar situations with long-time hubby’s and the funny part is–the husband’s BOTH CAME BACK at some point and wanted to make it work but the wife didn’t want them anymore! She’s moved on!
So here’s to being strong!